Sweet, sweet child labor.
Whilst under the influence of (legal) narcotics and chocolate ice cream, I received a revelation. The entrepreneur's holy grail, if you will.
She's 9 years old. She's missing one front tooth. She has freckles and a cute little speech impediment, and she's willing to push $300 of novelty merchandise to earn a plastic toy made in Taiwan for half a dollar.
She is. The Ultimate. Marketing. Tool.
You see, there exists an unspoken code amongst mothers everywhere - you buy my kid's school fundraiser junk, and I'll return the favor. Without this alliance, the market for wrapping paper, knock-off jewelry, ceramic tree ornaments, and about 50% of all magazines in print would not exist. Such is the power of little Suzie.
So here's my plan: I'm going to create a product - any product - and get kids to sell it at an outrageous price for a commission of a dime per sale. There will be shiny sticker sheets and colorful plastic badges to sweeten the deal. Given that my product is made in a third world country by toddlers, I'm going to be turning record profits.
I'm going to be giving these kids valuable job skills. For example, they'll receive a manual with all kinds of industry tips - from how to fake a serious injury for pity points to how to more effectively pester mommy and daddy into buying more stuff they don't need. There is a subtle art to marketing, and these lucky youngsters will be on the leading edge.
I know, I know. But Don't thank me. I'm just trying to do my part for the children.
She's 9 years old. She's missing one front tooth. She has freckles and a cute little speech impediment, and she's willing to push $300 of novelty merchandise to earn a plastic toy made in Taiwan for half a dollar.
She is. The Ultimate. Marketing. Tool.
You see, there exists an unspoken code amongst mothers everywhere - you buy my kid's school fundraiser junk, and I'll return the favor. Without this alliance, the market for wrapping paper, knock-off jewelry, ceramic tree ornaments, and about 50% of all magazines in print would not exist. Such is the power of little Suzie.
So here's my plan: I'm going to create a product - any product - and get kids to sell it at an outrageous price for a commission of a dime per sale. There will be shiny sticker sheets and colorful plastic badges to sweeten the deal. Given that my product is made in a third world country by toddlers, I'm going to be turning record profits.
I'm going to be giving these kids valuable job skills. For example, they'll receive a manual with all kinds of industry tips - from how to fake a serious injury for pity points to how to more effectively pester mommy and daddy into buying more stuff they don't need. There is a subtle art to marketing, and these lucky youngsters will be on the leading edge.
I know, I know. But Don't thank me. I'm just trying to do my part for the children.
posted by Triptrain at
8:11 PM
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