Foul language isn't ladylike, darlin'. Repent!
My car wouldn't start when I tried to leave the school today. It's about 92 degrees. Baking.
Apparently I left my lights on.
Shit.
Naturally, my first move was to try and find my sexy Government teacher to jump-start my car and save the day and fall desperately in love with me and let me have his babies. But his car was gone, and he's married and all that, so I just wandered around asking if anyone would help me with my car. I ended up finding the principal's wife, who called every male on the staff asking if they were around to help. Lutheran men apparently don't answer phones (and Lutheran women apparently don't know shit about cars), so she ran back into the school to go find someone. Peachy.
Let me quickly add that you can't really forget the look of a Lutheran pastor in full garb. He's got the full black suit and that little white collar that only shows at the throat. So when I see that strolling my way confidently (nay, righteously) I know just what's going on.
Mr. Sunshine's found me.
He's not a blatant asshole, but there's really no way of getting around the fact that he's a chauvinist pig. Many a speech has been thrust upon us womenfolk, explaining the ways of the world in words simple enough for a mere weaker vessel to comprehend - "the world" being marriage and childbirth. His condescending tone pisses me off.
He quickly assures me that "it's alright, Sunshine, I'm gonna take care of you." Fantastic.
"Thanks. It's pretty stupid, I just left my lights on. I have the cables and everything, I just don't know how to do it."
"Don't worry, hun."
There was some small talk on the way to my car. Lots of "hun" and "darlin'" and "sunshine," with that unmistakable machomacho tone. Ugh. God, just strike me down now. Please.
So I got in my car and put it into neutral so it could be pushed out of its parking space. I jumped out to help push the car (weaker? eh? eh?) but y'know, without someone in the car, it's kinda hard to stop it. So I jumped back in and hit the brakes, which stopped the car about a foot from hitting a chain-link fence.
Smooth, Katie. Real smooth. You look like an idiot. Not that he expects much more from you; after all, you haven't got a penis.
He points at the driver's seat. "Okay, sunshine." Then sternly, "you just sit in there and behave."
Oh.
Hell.
No.
I kept my composure. I didn't attack a clergyman. I wanted to, but I didn't. I'm pretty damn proud of myself for that. Everything else is in a blur; I was in Katie-Hulk mode. I seriously wanted to give him a good kick in the nuts. I thanked him, waited for the other car to pull out, and got on my way.
And I'm still pissed off. I mean, what the hell? Behave? It's not like he even wanted me to do anything, but he still felt like he had to push his dominance on me. Fuck. That. Shit.
Apparently I left my lights on.
Shit.
Naturally, my first move was to try and find my sexy Government teacher to jump-start my car and save the day and fall desperately in love with me and let me have his babies. But his car was gone, and he's married and all that, so I just wandered around asking if anyone would help me with my car. I ended up finding the principal's wife, who called every male on the staff asking if they were around to help. Lutheran men apparently don't answer phones (and Lutheran women apparently don't know shit about cars), so she ran back into the school to go find someone. Peachy.
Let me quickly add that you can't really forget the look of a Lutheran pastor in full garb. He's got the full black suit and that little white collar that only shows at the throat. So when I see that strolling my way confidently (nay, righteously) I know just what's going on.
Mr. Sunshine's found me.
He's not a blatant asshole, but there's really no way of getting around the fact that he's a chauvinist pig. Many a speech has been thrust upon us womenfolk, explaining the ways of the world in words simple enough for a mere weaker vessel to comprehend - "the world" being marriage and childbirth. His condescending tone pisses me off.
He quickly assures me that "it's alright, Sunshine, I'm gonna take care of you." Fantastic.
"Thanks. It's pretty stupid, I just left my lights on. I have the cables and everything, I just don't know how to do it."
"Don't worry, hun."
There was some small talk on the way to my car. Lots of "hun" and "darlin'" and "sunshine," with that unmistakable machomacho tone. Ugh. God, just strike me down now. Please.
So I got in my car and put it into neutral so it could be pushed out of its parking space. I jumped out to help push the car (weaker? eh? eh?) but y'know, without someone in the car, it's kinda hard to stop it. So I jumped back in and hit the brakes, which stopped the car about a foot from hitting a chain-link fence.
Smooth, Katie. Real smooth. You look like an idiot. Not that he expects much more from you; after all, you haven't got a penis.
He points at the driver's seat. "Okay, sunshine." Then sternly, "you just sit in there and behave."
Oh.
Hell.
No.
I kept my composure. I didn't attack a clergyman. I wanted to, but I didn't. I'm pretty damn proud of myself for that. Everything else is in a blur; I was in Katie-Hulk mode. I seriously wanted to give him a good kick in the nuts. I thanked him, waited for the other car to pull out, and got on my way.
And I'm still pissed off. I mean, what the hell? Behave? It's not like he even wanted me to do anything, but he still felt like he had to push his dominance on me. Fuck. That. Shit.
posted by Triptrain at
3:41 PM
9 Comments:
HA HA, you said penis...
You need one of those portable jump starter battery things. They are real handy in situations where you do stupid shit like leave the lights on. I've helped out many a moron with mine ;)
By
Anonymous, at 6:01 PM
Everything will be fine pumpkin.
(ducks and runs)
and.....
*snickers*
By
Anonymous, at 7:02 PM
See, Nobody, the problem is that things usually go poorly when I try to channel electricity to meet my needs, and I don't want to die.
Mike, if you wake up nutless, just remember me. I'm not saying I'm going to do anything. But remember.
My goodness, Fab, I'm still pretty pissed off. I can't emphasize enough how sickening his tone was. Ugh.
By
Triptrain, at 7:40 PM
And to think I just added you to my blogroll and you wish me harm.
This indeed saddens me...um.....kinda.
By
Anonymous, at 7:46 PM
Hehe...what an idiot, I think you'll find this funny someday. But yeah, I know how someone's tone can make you mad. I hate it when they don't even say it loud and clear, but you still get the message. Yuck!
Anyways, amazing way of writing your story, as always. =)
XoXo
Gaby
By
Gabriela, at 8:14 PM
I don't normally mind guys who use "hun" or "love", "sunshine" etc but sometimes, with certain guys it does come across as really patronising. Should it be more disconcerting perhaps when guys refer to me as "mate" like I'm one of the lads? Probably depends on whether I fancy them or not! ;-)
By
weenie, at 2:29 AM
I pity your teachers, for so many reason, otherwise I think you sad it all exactly right! Except the part about having your teachers babies that' just not right!
By
Pause, at 7:48 AM
Just words of warning, mike, from a person who has scissors to one who has testicles. :)
Right on, Gaby. I can't stand it when people talk down to me! It doesn't happen often, but when it does, it makes my blood boil.
Ick-ick-ick... this particular pastor has a son my age, and frankly, I wouldn't so much as give him a friendly hug if he were the last man on earth. It might be different if he were cute, young, and acting flirtacious, but he's neither of the former and I hope to God he wasn't hinting at the latter.
You're right, croaker... I don't even like babies. He could still do me, though.
By
Triptrain, at 4:37 PM
Positive to positive with one cable and negative to ground with the other.
Thank me later.
By
Chief Scientist, at 4:56 PM
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